Saturday, August 29, 2009

Hello, world!

Adoption is bittersweet.

I've always thought that God must have a funny sense of humor because on the path to parenthood, in order for someone to be truly happy, someone else has to be truly sad. There is no gain without a loss.

And the loss is great. It seemed so wrong to me at first that I should give up my baby - the baby I created and carried and gave life. How could it possibly be God's plan to hand her to another woman?

But it is. I have no doubt. I did at first. I had baby Roo the first week in July and was content to be a single mother to her until the end of August. Then God gave me a push, and one couple kept coming to my mind. And when I met P and M on August 27th, I knew, as surely as I knew my own name, that they were supposed to be Roo's parents.

I cried the whole drive to LDS Family Services to meet them. I only cried for a moment on the way home. I was sad, to be sure. I was going to miss my sweet baby girl. But I also felt an amazing sense of happiness for P and M. I was so excited for them to take their baby girl home soon, even though that baby was my baby girl. It was the happiest sad I've ever felt.

I've always processed emotions by writing through them, and my intertwining joy and pain at losing Roo is no exception. This blog is my adoption story. It's just beginning, and I can't wait to find out how it turns out.

1 comment:

Juliana Ruud said...

As a fellow birth mom, I am so happy to have found your blog and I look forward to reading more. Thank you for sharing your story.