Sunday, April 25, 2010

Happy Tears

Something pretty awesome happened a few days ago, and I thought I'd share. I slept poorly last night, so I apologize if this is a bit too stream-of-consciousness to make sense of. And I apologize for ending the preceding sentence with a preposition :o)

I was writing up a short (ha-ha!) version of my story for this guest blog I did. I don't know if it's super-cheesy or not, but I sometimes get all teary when I write and/or read my own story. Or tell my own story. Anyway. I had a box of Kleenex nearby as I typed, just in case. And I needed it. But not for the reason I expected.

When I got to writing the part where Roo met her parents for the first time, I started to cry - not for myself or any of the emotion I'd felt at the tie. I cried because I realized in that moment how amazing it must have been for P and M to meet their baby girl. I cried for what they must have felt, for the thoughts they must have had. I cried happy tears because that was probably one of the most amazing and happy moments of their lives, and in reliving that moment I was so super happy for them all over again!

That was huge for me. I used to cry for me, for what choosing adoption meant to me. I used to cry because I knew when I met P and M that I wasn't Roo's mommy anymore. The thought of that feeling, that quiet peace tinged with sadness, used to be what made me tear up.

Something has changed in me. I don't know when or how or why, but all I know is that for the first time when going over that part of Roo's and my story, I didn't think of myself for a second. And it is the most wonderful, freeing thing! I really am so truly happy for P and M. I am happy that they're Roo's parents. I'm happy that they got a baby last year - their baby.

I love them so much. I am more thankful for them than words can express. I'm thankful that, though Roo's story began with me, it will end with them. I wouldn't change a thing.

5 comments:

Rachel said...

Isn't it incredible that someone else's immense joy can cause such deep pain, but even more so that somehow, everyone can find that incredible joy in Christ. You're amazing because you allowed Him to change you! God bless your tissue box!

Lara said...

Awwwww.

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Truly beautiful perspective Jill. Thanks for sharing. :)

hope2adoptbaby said...

What a great post! You are amazing! :) Shelby

Jen said...

Look at you go! What a sweet post. What a sweet birth mom.