Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Formspring Revisited: What the H?

I'm not very good at remembering people's names. Or, if I remember their names, I don't remember their faces. For some reason, these rather important things are hard for me to get the first time or two. But one thing I always remember about a person I meet is his or her birthday.

Tomorrow is H's birthday. I don't think I'll ever forget that. I seem to get a lot of questions about H on my Formspring. Here are a few of them, in honor (if that's the right word) of his birthday.

On your blog what does H stand for? I mean it is obviously the birthfathers name but what is it?

I decided a long time ago I was never going to use my ex's name on my blog, and I haven't changed my mind. H stands for Him. Simple as that.

If you are my friend on Facebook (be my friend?), and you look back far enough, should you ever be that bored, you can find him. But I don't use his real name here and I never will. If you are dying of curiosity and would like a hint, I'll tell you that his name is also a verb.

Did the birth father help you pick a couple to place with?


No, he certainly did not. He was willing to be involved as much as the law required if I single parented, but if I went with adoption he didn't want a thing to do with me or the baby. And then it turned out he didn't want a thing to do with me during the pregnancy anyway.

So, no. He wasn't involved at all. With anything, least of all the adoption.

I'm not sure how much of a fan of adoption he ever was, actually. I had him served with paperwork that said I planned on placing, and he let it slide. He later accused me of manipulating him out of signing it, and told me that if I was thinking about adoption, I should just sign all my rights over to him. Because apparently to him, if I was considering adoption, it meant I didn't care about the baby and just didn't want to be a mother. Blah.

Was the birth father there when the placement happened?
He wasn't. When I placed, I hadn't seen him for nearly a year.

Does the birth father get the same openness you do?
Not that I'm aware of. I haven't seen him in almost two years and I haven't communicated with him in more than one year, so I can't be sure, but it would very much surprise me. I don't think Roo's parents even know his last name. Well, maybe they do. I can't remember everything I told them about him. I would certainly tell them if they wanted to know. But I'm not aware of any contact.


Mother of the Wild Boys said...

The title you chose for this post totally cracked me up! :)

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journey said...

You know, when I first started reading your blog, I would read "H" as "him." LOL! I also thought "S" stood for "social worker" and "P&M" stood for "Pa and Ma" ala Little House on the Prairie. :p

I've been getting a lot of birth father questions on my formspring too. There must be something in the air!

Shine said...

Just wanted to let you know I'm a blog stalker and fan of your blog... guess I should just become a Happiest Sad follower... alot less creepy. :) Thank you for writing, I love reading! :)

tamy scheurn said...

Hi Jill... Not sure if you remember me but... I met you at the AR meeting a few Wednesdays ago. We stayed after and talked. My name is Tamy. I just wanted to say....BTW you are amazing! I know you do want to hear this but I just LOVE you!! I love how you write on your blog!! Keep it up! Maybe we can get this world to understand adoption and DUMB birth fathers! I would really like to call them something else!! Love you!

Jill Elizabeth said...

Tamy, I certainly remember you, and I <3 you. I'm glad you like my blog. Although for the sake of my readers, I am equally glad you kept to the G-rated "dumb" instead of the much more accurate, colorful word you so astutely chose that Wednesday :)