Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Birthday Wish

I don't remember the last time I blogged twice in three days, but this is a special occasion. Today is my birthday!

I hate my birthday. Well, no, hate isn't the right word. Mostly because I like cake, but also because I like cake. Dean Koontz said that where there's cake, there's hope, and there's always cake.

But as I may have mentioned last year (I'd give you the link but I don't feel like finding it) I tend to have disappointing birthdays, and sad birthdays, and so I have learned to have absolutely zero expectations. My birthday is just another day. Shorter of breath, one day closer to death, right? As long as I get my cake, I'm okay.

This year, there is only one thing I wanted for my birthday. I wanted if for my last birthday too but I was more patient then. I wasn't sure it would happen this year, even though I wanted it to very badly. It was completely out of my control, and all I could do was pray. Then I heard that it was going to happen ... and then maybe it wasn't, and I got a little angry at God and frustrated with the general unfairness of life. It wasn't something selfish I wanted. It wasn't for me. For the first time since placement, I wanted something for someone else more than I wanted anything for myself. I wasn't asking for a miracle. Well, maybe I was. But only a small miracle.

About a week ago, I had hope again, and I prayed quite desperately for several days, telling God in no uncertain terms what I wanted to happen and for whom. Just this one thing, and I wouldn't even care what happened for at least the rest of the year. I just needed this one little miracle, and I could handle everything else.

Last week, I got my birthday wish. I got my miracle, by which I mean that P and M got theirs. My little Roo is a big sister! I don't even have words for how happy and excited and grateful I am. It doesn't matter to me how my birthday goes anymore. If I start to feel sad, all I have to do is look at the picture I have of Roo holding a chubby-cheeked new baby (with a little help) and the world is an awesome place again.


Savannah said...

That is awesome! Happy for P & M and big sister Roo. :)

Elizabeth said...

Happy birthday :) I also like cake, so have a little extra for me! Congratultions to Roo! A big sister, how wonderful :)

Mostly Jessica said...

That's incredible!

Whitney said...

Happy Birthday Jill! I'm so excited for Roo and her family. Congratulations to all of them! I just have to say I really love your blog. Even when you say that you feel like you don't have anything to say, I always find your posts interesting and thought provoking. I liked what you said in your last post about needing to hurt because it gives credibility. I have thought a lot about that and about how I have done that at times in the past. You truly have a gift for articulating what I have maybe never been able to express. Anyway, just had to tell you that I am grateful for your perspective and insights.

A Life Being Lived said...

Happy Birthday! Mine is in 5 days (Fellow Scorpios??) and I usually ignore it for the same reasons. I haven't had great ones in more than a few years so it's easier for me to ignore it. But I'm so happy your birthday wish came true! (And PS cake makes it all better!) Hugs

cmgr said...

Yay!! I'm a first time adoptive mom and I hope to have a second one day, so your post brought tears to my eyes. I just love the thought of my little guy being a big brother one day.