Friday, February 26, 2010

And Then, Some Days ...

... I look at the latest Roo picture I have, and I think: She's healthy. She's happy. She has an eternal family. She is still perfect, the most perfect baby I have ever seen. She has an amazing family, a family I love.

I gave that to her - indirectly, of course. But the perfect, happy Roo who is sealed to her mommy and daddy, is perfectly happy because she is sealed to her mommy and daddy. Maybe she would have been just as happy with me.

But maybe she wouldn't have been. It's not a risk I was willing to take.

She is happy. I will be happy, too, even if I'm only happy for her.

I did a wonderful thing, and no matter how selfish I am sometimes, I was selfless enough when it really counted. I forget that sometimes. That no matter what else happens, I did something pretty amazing once, when it needed to be done. I can't count on other people to remind me, so I'll remind myself.

It doesn't matter if people don't like me. It doesn't matter if they think I'm stupid or mean or a freak or a loser. It doesn't matter what things people might say to me that hurt me or cut me down. I will build myself back up. I will think of Roo, and I will be strong. I am strong. I'm not going to worry if no one else ever says so or thinks so. I will say so. I will think so.

And someday I hope Roo will think so, too.

I love her.


AubreyMo said...

I think your little Roo will definitely know you love her, and she'll love you right back! I think she'll love M as her mom, who raised her and taught her about boys and all that, but she'll love you as her birthmom - who grew her, carried her, loved her, gave her those pretty eyes and button nose and cute cheeks. You gave her life once, and then you gave her life again.

I honestly admire you.

And boo hiss to all the naysayers that think you are anything less than absolutely wonderful.

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journey said...

Oh yeah, she'll know. :)
Every good adoptive couple will help their child understand how much their birth mom loves them. And P&M seem to be pretty good. :)

Jill Elizabeth said...

P and M are the very best :o)

Goodies for Mom said...

You did an amazingly selfless thing and you are so incredibly strong. I'm sure that Roo will know it is out of your tremendous love that you gave her the eternal family she has today. HUGS!

Making Our Family Complete

Lechelle said...

You are strong, you are amazing, and Roo will know it. I am glad you have such good parents for her that will raise her to know how wonderful you are.