Saturday, February 13, 2010

Desperate (to be a) Housewife

I was going through the pictures folder on my computer and I came across this:

I know it's sort of cheesy, but I can identify. I've never been an overly ambitious person. Well, maybe not never. When I was six I wanted to be an astrophysicist and an opera singer. But as I grew older I set different goals. I didn't dream of being a lawyer or an actress or a therapist or a writer. My aims were simple. I wanted to get married, and I wanted to be a mother.

Maybe I should be ashamed of it, but the truth is that I never cared if I got a Ph.D or made a lot of money or did anything big to change the world. I've always thought that a 4-year degree might be nice, but I never felt like it was a priority. Money? Sure, money's nice, but I think the Beatles were on to something - money can't buy what's most important.

And now that I've been out of school and work for over a year, I find it difficult to focus in on what I want. What should I do with my life? It's hard to say. Because I don't really want to go back to school, and I don't really want to work. I want to be a mother.

Before you leave me a comment about how I need to keep busy in the meantime, know that I am acutely aware of the importance of a mother having an education, and a job skill to fall back on. I know all that; it's not news to me. The problem is that I just don't have the burning desire or the motivation to better myself in those ways. I'm so well-rounded I should have my own orbit. I have an associate's degree. I have a cosmetology license. I'm a notary. I'm a blogger. I play the piano. I've studied psychology, philosophy, sociology, English, Spanish, and public speaking. I am, by all accounts, an accomplished and intelligent young woman. I'm not bragging here, I'm stating facts. I have learned to be responsible, and mature, and selfless, and organized, and keep a house. I've worked hard to hone the kinds of skills that will benefit me most as a wife and a mother. I'd like to put them into practice, that's all.

I wish I knew when.

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