Thursday, November 4, 2010

The Question Every Birth Mom Gets Asked

This one's borrowed from my Formspring, and I've expanded the answer. I have a feeling this is going to happen a lot this month.

When you found out you were pregnant did you think about getting an abortion?

Short answer: nope.

Long answer: Define "consider." Did abortion cross my mind? Absolutely. Was it ever an option for me? Absolutely not.

H let me know that he would have been okay with an abortion. I seem to recall that he offered to pay for one if that's what I chose. I've told that to people and they all seem to think it was just awful of him. I don't, because I know him (or rather, I thought I used to). I believe that was just his messed-up way of trying to help.

But ever since I was aware of things like unplanned pregnancies and abortions, I have known that I could never, ever have an abortion. I've always found abortion to be very morally yucky. I wanted Roo before I even found out I was pregnant. Nothing in this world could have changed that.


Que and Brittany's Adoption Journey said...

What do you think the motive is for people to ask that question??

A Life Being Lived said...

I think men in these situations see the pregnancy as something to fix and get rid of. I hate to sound sexist but really, it is our body that carries the life, it is our body that changes, it is our body that bears the whole experience. Men have no way to understand that so they, just, don't. Even if they are against the death penalty or they have held an infant before, or have relatives who are children, they do not connect the fact that a pregnancy means a child. Sometimes they get it after a baby is born, sometimes they never do. I do agree though I think some men in these situations are just trying to "fix" something, they don't really mean that they want to kill babies. I mean they do, but they don't. If that makes sense.

Jill Elizabeth said...

Brittany, I think it's because for most people, abortion is a more logical choice than adoption. It's quick and easy (in a manner of speaking). It's an event, rather than a process. Being a birth mom is hard. I think people wonder why I would put myself through that when I could have taken what they might consider the easy way out.

I would imagine that it's not just birth moms who get asked this question. I think that any woman who's faced an unplanned pregnancy and chosen to continue with it has probably been asked.

Liddell said...

I'd have to agree with Jill. When we first found out bfather offered to pay for an abortion, too. It was a quick and easy fix to a really big and really scary surprise. Once we'd sat down and talked about it rationally we agreed on adoption, but he still says he doesn't understand how I'd be able to go through a pregnancy and all it entails and let someone else be her mother. I wouldn't say it makes him a bad person or anything of the sorts. He just wasn't ready or willing to deal with the responsibilities pregnancy or a baby requires, and for him abortion was logically a more efficient way to avoid them.

Swinging On Small Hinges said...

At the risk of sounding totally weird, I really like the slip/typo(?) here:

"Was it ever an adoption for me? Absolutely not."

I think a lot of women get adoptions just so people never knew about it in the first place. An efficient way to keep things simple and quiet...and over.

Roo is so blessed.

Jill Elizabeth said...

Aah! That'll teach me to hit "publish" without a final read-through. I'm not sure how that happened, either, but I think I get so used to typing "adoption" that I was unable to type the word "option" without putting an A and a D in front! I've fixed it, but I'm glad you liked it the other way, Stephanie :)