Thursday, February 24, 2011

Did you know that Glenn Beck's son was adopted? Maybe you did. It's probably one of those things that people who know a lot about adoption already knew. But I'm a little slow, and I only just discovered that the other day when I read birth mom Brit's blog. Her post (here) included a fantastic quote from Glenn's address at the 2007 FSA National Conference. You can read both Glenn's and wife Tania's remarks *here* at the American Fork FSA blog. I read them, and while I very much liked the entire text, one thing in particular jumped out at me from the end of Glenn's talk:


I know with everything in me that our children selected us in the premortal existence. I know that we stood around and we were honored when that soul looked at us and said, “I want you as my dad, and I want you as my mom. Somehow or another we’ll find each other.” It’s not just getting any child. It’s sometimes waiting for that soul who is trying desperately to fulfill their side of the bargain and to fulfill what you guys set out to do in the first place and to be reunited with his family for time and all eternity.


Isn't that beautiful? I believe it. I absolutely do, and no one will ever convince me otherwise. My little Roo, this tiny girl I love so very much, wasn't supposed to be my daughter. She was meant to grow in my belly, but she was meant to be with P and M. I know it. She knew it, too. When she met P and M for the first time, it was as if she already knew them. I believe that she did. She knew who was holding her. She knew they already loved her.

As impossibly hard as placement was, I have never doubted for a second that Roo is in the right place, in the right family. I am so grateful that I was led to P and M, because how sad would it be if Roo wasn't their daughter? Last Friday was the first time that I looked in the mirror and saw maybe a little of what people mean when they say that Roo looks like me. It surprised me - it always surprises me to see any of myself in Roo, because she is a [P and M's last name] through and through. She is perfectly suited to their family. She is their daughter. She's exactly what and who I would expect a child of theirs to be. I love it!

I don't think that I could have said so a year ago. Not because it was any less true, but because for a while I clung to the belief that being this happy with where Roo is was some sort of betrayal of my affection for her. I felt like if I willingly, even happily acknowledged that she was where God meant for her to be, it must mean that I loved her less. Lies! Believe me when I say that I would bleed for that little girl in half a heartbeat. There is nothing in this world that I wouldn't do for her. I love her every bit as much as I ever have, with everything I have in me. She has my heart, and she always will.

There are those who say that the idea of adoption being "meant to be" is a crock, that this is all happenstance, people trying to make the best of a bad situation. Maybe it is for some people. I can't speak for anyone but myself. But it's not that way for me. I believe with everything I have in me that my Father in Heaven meant for Roo to grow in my belly but grow up with P and M. I believe that He has a hand in each of our lives, and that He loves us so much more than we can ever begin to understand.

I don't have words to say how grateful I am to be Roo's birth mother. Just by being born, she helped me get to where I needed to be. I'm glad I could return the favor.

11 comments:

AubreyMo said...

"I felt like if I willingly, even happily acknowledged that she was where God meant for her to be, it must mean that I loved her less." That just means you love her more - that you were and are willing to sacrifice your happiness for the happiness and well being of one adorable little girl. And you should be proud - you did what it took to give Roo everything. You are an amazing birth mother, and some day when those other little spirits who are still waiting come down to meet you, you will be an amazing mother.

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

Beautifully expressed, Jill. I feel the same way about my Samantha. Thank you for putting these feelings into words. <3
PS- Love the new look!

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

"Just by being born, she helped me get to where I needed to be. I'm glad I could return the favor."

That was so beautiful, Jill. You are amazing.

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journal said...

Oh, and I LOVE that you can finally see a resemblance!

audra said...

Beautiful, just beautiful. You are so remarkable Jill. You consistently amaze me at how much you have changed since I first met you. Bravo!

Lara said...

A year or so back, I read a guest post on The R House from a birth mother telling pretty much the same message.

As I was reading, I was hit with the spirit so hard. And I knew it too. I knew it wasn't just a here-on-earth thing. A we-got-lucky-to-get-picked thing. More than knowing our daughter belonged to us, I learned that Joci's birth mother and I knew each other before and had made a pact that this is what would happen.

It was so strong and so amazing. It made me feel less guilty about taking away and loving "someone else's baby." This new testimony for me is amazing and so strong. Thanks for your post.

Stacey said...

I really love this post. I am excited to read Beck's words about this topic. LOVE ADOPTION!

S said...

I didn't know that either. But then again, I never realized how many people have been adopted, are currently adopting, or know someone that is adopting. Once someone knows you are trying to adopt, the whole world wants to tell you about adoption. I love the adoption world. So many great stories!

BobandColista said...

This is one post that I'm printing. I might send it to my family by snail mail. Thanks, Jill.

Natalie said...

I found your blog recently and I think you're inspirational.

I tagged you in 7 Facts award. If you want to play along, check it out here:
http://www.myblogisboring.com/2011/02/tag-im-it.html. Happy Saturday

Jonnessa Haylei said...

"I don't have words to say how grateful I am to be Roo's birth mother. Just by being born, she helped me get to where I needed to be. I'm glad I could return the favor."

this made me cry :') (happy tears of course).