Today's post is lifted from my Formspring because I've been too lazy to write out anything new. But I thought it was a good question, and I don't know how many people ever look at my Formspring (I forget sometimes, myself) so I thought I'd borrow (also, I may have edited it a bit).
Anyway. Here's today's question:
Did you and P&M have a formal discussion about boundaries or did everyone just get it? How do you guys handle behaviors or situations that make the other feel uncomfortable?
We've never had a big talk about boundaries that I can think of but I also don't think we all just "get it." Little things have come up here and there and when they do we very respectfully say, "This isn't working for me/us, this is why, this is what would be better."
Communication about this sort of thing can be very awkward and intimidating, you're always worried about hurt feelings or saying the wrong thing (or maybe that's just me). And in the interest of brutal honesty, in a couple of instances my knee-jerk reaction was to take it personally, but I got over it because I know that it's not meant to be anything personal. I know that P and M love me no matter what, and they want the very best for Roo (which includes her having parents who don't feel uncomfortable about things with her birth mother).
I know that before placement, and during placement itself, we always hear that adoption is about love. Well, it's about love after adoption too. P and M have been very good about addressing things and at the same time emphasizing that they still love me and care about me. I try to do the same. When I start to feel awkward or worry about things, I remind myself of that. And I remind myself that they're not just a couple I placed with. They are Roo's parents, and she loves them, and they love her. It helps keep things in perspective.
Allow me to state, as I have before, that our relationship certainly isn't perfect (whose is?), and that your results may vary. But, short answer, it's sort of a situational thing. I trust them to let me know if I overstep my bounds.