Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Revenge of the Meanies

I don't usually write this sort of thing because I hate drama. I hate drama and I inherently shrink away from people who perpetuate it by giving it attention. But I want to address something that has recently become an issue for me. I'm going to address it and then I'm going to leave it be because I don't want this to be the sort of blog that's all whining or drama or negativity.

I just deleted the nastiest, vilest, most hate-filled comment I have ever received. I am trying not to cry right now. Never in a million years would I have believed that anyone would say something so horrible, so evil to me.

The person who left this comment can't possibly have thought I'd actually publish the horrible things she said to me. I've made my opinions on meanies quite clear. So I can only assume that her purpose in leaving the comment was to hurt me.

Well, jerkface, mission accomplished. You hurt me. You almost made me cry. You made me feel like total crap. Why? Why did you do that? Why say such horrible things to me? You don't even know me! Clearly, you think I am a horrible, evil person and that adoption is an abomination. I get that. Then why read my blog? Why bother? You've insulted me. To what end?

I want to make something abundantly clear: I LOVE adoption. I do! And I chose adoption because of love. Love love love. There is NOTHING in heaven or earth that anyone can say or do to change my mind. No amount of vile filth, anger, or nastiness that is flung my way is ever going to change that. If you want to be a rage-filled hatemonger, go right ahead. But that kind of abominable cruelty has no place on my blog. I'm not going to publish it and I'm not even going to mention specifics because I'm not going to promote that kind of attitude or behavior.

I'm not going to stoop to that level of anger. I'm just going to say this: If you are a meanie, leave me and my blog alone. Please. I'm asking you nicely. If you can't play nice, if you're only going to spew hatred, go elsewhere. Please. Please go away.

And now I'll return you to your regularly scheduled, mostly-optimistic blogging.


Tamara ViAnn said...

Jill, you don't need toxic people like this in your life. Once the anti's want to pounce on you it's not going to stop. Comments like that say the most about the author than anything. Honestly, I would advise going private for a few months until you fall off their radar. And if you do become public again it helps to change your domain address so they can't find you again easily. Just looking out for you :)

Rachel said...

Unfortunately, as human beings, hurtful words stay with us much more than loving words. (Why is that??) It is obvious that your blog touches and blesses the lives of hundreds of women. But one hateful comment can make it easy to forget ten thankful comments.

Can you ask someone to moderate your blog comments for you? Your mom or someone? You shouldn't have to read that crap.

I'm sorry that you are being attacked! I love reading your blog! You are an inspiration.

Meg and Ken said...

You're quite a lady!

Savannah said...

Meanies have issues in their life that they need to deal with, but instead they ignore it and try to force their hurt and hate on others. Can you change your comments settings to weed them out. I've learned that people aren't as likely to say mean things if they have to attach their name to their own comment.
I have always said I wouldn't go private because I don't want "them" to win, but if it was for the sake of my own sanity, I probably would go private, at least for a while like Tamara mentioned.
I love your blog.

Lia - not Juno said...

Well, I dunno if I'm as optimistic about adoption as you are, but I'm definitely (obviously) on your side here. As somebody who has been ruthlessly and repeatedly attacked by meanies (the worst is the hate mail they send directly to my email) I just wanna say you gotta ignore it! Yeah, sometimes they make me cry. They're called meanies for a reason - they're fucking mean (pardon my French). But don't give them the satisfaction! Ignore! Ignooooore!

Que and Brittany's Adoption Journey said...

I say, time for toolator. :)

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry they've found you. I am really glad you are taking the high road. It is the more difficult road to take for sure.

God Bless.

Angee said...

Hugs! Sorry someone said something so mean to you! <3

hope2adoptbaby said...

So sorry! Hugs coming your way! :)

Swinging On Small Hinges said...

Bad Meanies! Go away! Grrr!

Dave and Jen said...

<3 you and your blog! *hugs*

Unknown said...

I like the idea of a comment moderator. I'm unfortunately having to moderate comments on my BIL and SIL's blog for their 4 year old who is dying from brain cancer. It's amazing how cruel people can be. No matter what you are doing, there is always someone who thinks you are evil and making the wrong decisions, even when a parent is trying to save the life of their child.

I don't understand why judging and meanness comes so easily for some people. It does remind me that I need to be thoughtful about everything I say about others because I do not know what they are going through.

Jill, don't let their comments hurt you. What they think does not matter.

@ those people who are making unkind comments: I'm sure you are not really meaning to hurt Jill's feelings because you would not want others to say something, about your personal beliefs on adoption, to hurt you either. I'm glad you are allowing someone else to have a different perspective on adoption because it is not required of you to feel the same. I'm sure you feel the same about your own views about adoption.

I'm glad to know that you can feel sympathy for others.

I'm glad that your heart is full of kindness.

Honestly, I don't think you are a bad person, I understand that you have strong feelings about adoption, and you have reasons, but we need to remember that not everyone has had the same experience as you. There are many message boards and blogs where your thoughts on adoption would be highly valued, I politely say that this is not the forum. We need to remember that all of us, including Jill, have the right to their feelings, just like you, and it's important to be nice to others.

I know there is a poster on this blog who also shares strong feelings about adoption, but she is choosing to be nice on someone else's blog, and I commend her for that.

Kristin said...

Oh, how awful! I am sorry someone hurt you like this. And though I want you to do what you need to do to protect yourself, I sure hope that won't require changing your blog.

Kara said...

So sorry to hear that mean people with nothing better to do made you feel bad. Stinkin' jerks! You are amazing and your story has touched so many of us. Don't let it get you down. You are amazing!! ♥Hugs♥