Friday, July 1, 2011

"I Want You To Know I Am Happy"

Did any of you peeps see this article on the interwebs?

(Click Here)

It's about how birth families and the children they placed are finding each other on Facebook. I should mention that I specifically didn't read the comments, because I can't imagine many of them are happy or positive. Not that everything has to be happy and positive, but I also don't have to read things that aren't if I don't want to. So there.


I thought it was an interesting article. Facebook has made the world a lot smaller, hasn't it? It's easy to connect with people you might never have found otherwise. Decades ago when many of these birth mothers placed, they never would have imagined that someday it would be this (relatively) easy to reconnect.

Certainly they wouldn't have dared to hope to read the following in their inbox sixteen years after placement:

“I never blamed you or my father. I know you gave me up because you loved me. My mom always told me that you loved me. I read all the letters and saw all the pics you sent and I want you to know I am happy.”

Isn't that amazing?

I think sometimes I take openness for granted. I've said before that I don't think I could have placed in a closed adoption. My selflessness has limits, and that's one of them. But I think I take for granted that I know what Roo looks like and what she's up to.

I know that she's happy. It's a beautiful thing.

Because of openness, Roo's biological origins aren't shrouded in mystery. She won't grow up wondering what I look like or who I am. She'll know that I love her not just because her parents will tell her, but because I'll be able to tell her. She won't have to poke around on the internet in a decade, hoping for a clue, armed with only a name or a date to aid her search. She won't need to. She'll know.

I was asked once if openness ever made things harder - maybe not all the time, but every now and then. Obviously I can only speak for myself, but that's never been the case. Openness is the reason I was able to place, my greatest comfort in my grief, and the impetus for me to move forward. I don't have to wonder, I don't have to worry, and I don't have to Google.

Roo is happy. I know.


Jenn said...

That is truly amazing! My adoption was closed, and when I had the opportunity once I was 18, to have my file open. I was told I could send one letter- one single letter, with no guarantee that I would get a response. My first sentence was much along those lines, because I was afraid my birth mother wouldn't read farther then that. I'm so excited that as we continue the process to adopt our own child, the will know from the beginning, much like Roo!

Beck said...

I've been lurking for a while now, but wanted to comment on this post.
People ask us all the time if being as open as we are with our birth-families makes things harder. The answer for us, is yes and no. Yes, because its a little tricky to try to balance time between four families, and no because they have become our extended family. For me, there are just so many benefits to having her know and have relationships with her birth-families. Heck, between all of us she has 8 grandpas and 12 grandmas... that's one lucky little girl!