Thursday, January 7, 2010

6 Months Old!

I can't believe my little Roo is 6 months old today. Where did the time go? It feels like both hours and years. She has grown so much! She is the happiest, most content baby I have ever seen. She is a good sleeper, a good eater, and a good smiler. She sees her parents and she smiles.

I miss her terribly. And yet, it doesn't always hurt as much as it used to. I miss my teeny tiny girl, not the 6-month old who is working hard on sitting herself up. I miss being the mommy of a newborn. I want a husband and a family. I want a baby I can have for eternity. I envy P and M not because they have my Roo, but because they have two beautiful children who are sealed to them. I want that, too.

I can't believe how much I've changed since Roo was born. I thought when my dad died that I had grown up an awful lot. In retrospect, I matured not by losing my father, or even by having a baby. I grew up when I put myself aside and put my baby first.

I am much more mature than I was six months ago. I am much happier than I was six months ago. I am a better person. I like myself more.

Roo would have been fine had I kept her, I'm sure. I was a good mother. I took good care of her, and she was healthy and happy when I had her. But she'd have been an eternal floater. And as she got older, she'd have had questions with unsatisfactory answers.

But neither Roo nor I will have to deal with that now. When the little Primary kids get up on Father's Day to sing "I'm So Glad When Daddy Comes Home," Roo will have a daddy to sing to. She won't feel left out. When she learns about eternal families, she'll know that when she was a baby her mommy and daddy took her to the temple so she could be part of their eternal family.

What a blessing that is! Roo deserves it. She deserves the best this world has to offer. I'm so glad she has it. She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. And she's only 6 months old! I can only imagine how adorable she'll be as she gets older.

As hard as things have been, in so many ways these have been the best six months of my life. Roo, just by being Roo, has made me a better, happier person. I only hope that adoption will ultimately do the same for her.


J said...

happy 6 months!!

i'm going to pray you find a man who deserves and loves will have your dream eventually!!

Jill Elizabeth said...

Aw, thanks! :o)