I'm feeling better today. I think I just needed to get a little ranting out. I don't do it nearly as often as I used to. I used to be a pity party animal.
What helped me to feel better, I think, was the sight of my temple recommend, signed by my bishop. I'll meet with the stake president in about a week, and then I'll be good to go. I have three temple prep classes left, and I have been reading as many books on the topic as I can get my grubby little paws on (in particular I recommend this one here). I know that my preparation to go to the temple is why I've been having such a rotten time of things lately. I am so blessed to have a loving Father in Heaven to listen to and answer my prayers. I think I've prayed more since having Roo than I have in the rest of my life put together. I'm a better person for it, too.
I've been on both sides of it now, so I can say for a certainty that I'd rather keep God's commandments and be unhappy than be disobedient and think I'm happy. The latter never ends well. With the former, I'm finding, if I'm patient, things will work themselves out in the end. They won't necessarily get easier or better (not right away, anyway) but I feel so much less alone, and I at least have faith that the blessings will come eventually.
Eventually. Some day. When it's right. I've grown to loathe those words. They seem mostly to mean that things are going to stink for the foreseeable future. But again, that's where faith comes in. And I have it in my head that the longer I have to wait for something, the better it's going to be when it comes. I have to go through bad times to appreciate the good.
Kahlil Gibran said, "Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain." Eventually, some day, when it's right, I am going to be the happiest woman on earth.