I spent most of yesterday on sort of a Roo high from my visit. I think just about anything could have happened during the rest of the day and I still would have been happy because of the visit in the morning. I can't even begin to explain how much good visits do me, or what a difference they make in my emotional and spiritual well-being.
I love that I can hold her and snuggle with her for two hours and then happily buckle her into her car seat. I have never once done the latter and thought that it should be my car she was in. I have never once left feeling like Roo should be going home with me, or that I didn't want her to go home with her mommy and daddy. I leave every visit feeling certain that I have made the best decision and knowing that Roo is exactly where she is supposed to be.
She is the sweetest baby I have ever known. She is very quiet - I hardly heard a squeak out of her the whole time. She is curious, blinking those big beautiful eyes as she looks around and takes the world in. She kicks her chubby legs happily while she's eating and she was so busy checking things out around her, turning her head from side to side, that for a moment I had a hard time keeping the bottle in front of her so she could eat. Loud noises and chaos don't seem to bother her, she takes it all in stride. And words can't describe how beautiful she is. I think that Roo is, quite simply, the most perfect baby ever made.
I hope that if I ever have another child some day, it is exactly like Roo - just as sweet and happy and beautiful and smart. I am happy that P and M have such an amazingly perfect baby. They deserve it. And I think that, if I ever have kids, I deserve it too, for doing what I did for Roo.
I am so very thankful for an open adoption. I can't imagine trying to cope with a closed one. I think it would have been twice as hard for me. I truly believe that openness benefits everyone involved. When I pray, there are three things I never forget to thank my Father in Heaven for: Roo, P and M, and an open adoption.