Friday, December 4, 2009

Sixth Visit

I am a spoiled girl. I got to spend the morning with my Roo. Today was my sixth visit since placement. And I'll see Roo and her family again next weekend.

I can't even begin to explain how awesome visits are. And not just because they mean a few hours of holding Roo and snuggling with her. They're a chance to get to know her parents better and appreciate what great people they are. I like to see them interact with Roo's big sister and see that they are wonderful parents, very patient and loving and kind. Roo's sister is incredibly well-behaved, which I love. I don't want Roo growing up to be a brat. I like visits because I get to see, in person, the joy on Roo's face when she spots her mommy or daddy. That little girl knows exactly who her parents are, and she loves them. I got a few little smiles out of her, but they were nothing compared to the delighted gummy grin her mommy got. Roo knows she's loved. And I think she knows I love her. Babies can tell.

She was content to be held - she snuggled in and fell asleep in my arms for a catnap, which was wonderful. One of the things I've missed the most is having that sweet little girl snuggling with me and napping while I hold her. I used to spend hours on the couch, holding her while she slept and staring at her perfect face.

She has gotten cuter. I don't know how she manages it, but Roo gets cuter and cuter every time I see her. Her hair is filling in a bit on top, and her eyes are the loveliest that I have ever seen. She is chubbing out nicely, but she's gotten longer, too. I think she's going to be tall like her daddy and sister.

I love her so much. I am constantly amazed at how very much I love her. I'm so blessed to be able to see her regularly, to get pictures and e-mail and videos. I can't imagine how my mom's birth mother did it - just handing her baby over and never, ever knowing what became of her. Where did she find that strength? I had a hard enough time of things knowing that Roo's adoption was open. How did Roberta make herself do it? I don't know. I'm just grateful she did. It changed my mother's life, just as my choice changed Roo's life.

Roo is so blessed! She has a wonderful family and they love her dearly. They will never take her for granted. She is a miracle to them. She's a miracle to me, too. I know that we're supposed to pray for missionary experiences and for the prophet and that sort of thing, but if I'm honest, my prayers are about 99% for Roo and her family. Heavenly Father must not mind too much because He answers them. Roo is happy and healthy and content and smart and safe, and so is her family. I get to see that, and I am so thankful. I am excited for Roo to finally be sealed to them. What more could I want for her that she doesn't already have?

1 comment:

-Mike said...

My girlfriend and I just placed our first born for adoption. She was born on Dec 1st. It is an open adoption like yours however I have not been able to bring myself to see her other than seeing her from a distance in the delivery room while the nurses worked on her.
After reading about how it helps you to see that your daughter is happy and how getting to know the family and finding that they are so good and kind I think maybe it will be a little bit easier for me to go with when the next visit is scheduled.
For now I have never been so sad in my life, but reading what you have to say gives me hope. While I know we did the right thing, it hurts like I never thought hurting could.
It helps to know what others have and are going through, it makes me feels braver that this is all gonna be okay.

Thank you for letting me look into your experience.