Sunday, May 23, 2010

Plans

I'm leaving for Ireland on the 29th. I'll be there for a month. I'm looking forward to it, although I am nervous.

I mentioned my trip to a few people the other day. Someone said, "I guess you get to do all kinds of cool stuff now since you gave your baby away for adoption."

I wanted to smack them. First off, because I did NOT "give her away." I didn't put an ad for her on Craigslist. I PLACED her. I gave her the world because I love her. And second, I didn't place Roo because she was interfering with my plans. I never look at things like, Oh, look at all the things I can do now that I don't have to take care of my baby.

I would so much rather have Roo than any trip anywhere on earth. I would trade my trip for her in a heartbeat. But I can't. I wasn't meant to be her mama. I'd rather have Roo than Ireland. But I can't have Roo. And so I'm going to Ireland. Everything like this that I do, every trip, every good thing, is a consolation prize. It's what I have because I can't have her. Because I wasn't meant to have her.

I don't regret placing her. Never. I know beyond any doubt that Roo is where God wanted her to be. Placing my baby was the most gut-wrenching, excruciatingly painful thing I've ever done. I could never have done it for any reason other than love.

I miss her, yes. But I'm allowed to make plans. I'm allowed to do things, to live my life, to get out of the house every once and a while. It's a poor substitute, but it's all I've got, and I'm going to make the best of it.

13 comments:

Savannah said...

I can't believe some people! First you have close family who won't support you as a single mother and now you have people getting after you for placing your beautiful daughter. Some people need to have their mouths permanently glued shut. I'm so sorry you come in contact with these people during their stupid moments.
Oh, and have fun in Ireland. I am so jealous!

Amalaa said...

Don't let the ignorance of others ruin any fun you will have on your trip!! Wow IRELAND!! I'm so jealous!

CnR said...

I don't think going to Ireland is a consolation prize. You said it perfectly with, "I'm allowed to make plans." Going on a vacation is just a part of life and I'm excited for you.

Have a fantastic time.
Take tons of pictures.
Eat great food.
Relax.
Meet amazing people.
Take in all the beauty.
Make fond memories.
Enjoy the culture.

And lastly, think of all your blog-followers who are stuck in the states who will be thinking of you and your Ireland adventure!

Remember this phrase...
Càite bheil an taigh beag?

Rachel said...

I think it will always surprise me how insensitive people can be. Seriously, that comment was downright rude! I have an Irish heritage and would love to get to go someday! Have fun and keep us updated when you can!

Mother of the Wild Boys said...

As far as consolation prizes go, that one sounds pretty awesome. I wanna smack that person for you, BTW.

AubreyMo said...

First off:
I am so jealous.

Second:
I am so excited for you. You deserve a vacation!!

Third:
People really say that? Have those people ever had children? People are lame. You placed Roo out of absolute LOVE. There is nothing else to it than that. You were selfless. You put Roo first. You didn't "give her up". I'm sorry you've had to deal with people that act like that. Boo to them. Go enjoy your trip!! Travel safe. I will miss you on here. Please post pics when you get back.

So so happy for you!!! Enjoy it!!

The Lynd Family said...

GOOD FOR YOU!!! And I want to slap the crap out of the idiot who said that to you!!! You ARE allowed to have joy you ARE allowed to move forward. Don't let the adversary convince you otherwise!

Margaret said...

How rude! I can't believe that someone would actually say that to you. Actually I can and that is very sad.

Huge hugs for having to deal with such ignorant people.

I hope you enjoy your trip. I would love to go to Ireland as that is where my mom's family comes from.

James, Stephanie & Kayley said...

People stay the stupidest things. Why? I dunnoh. Ireland sounds fun and beautiful. I've always wanted to go myself. My best substitute was Irish Dancing for 9 years...
You deserve a vacation. Take lots of pictures!

Janine said...

what an incredibly sucky friend you have to say something like that. Hope you have a fantastic trip. looking forward to hearing all about it!

Kellerwoman said...

What did you say?! People often tell me "You're lucky you don't have kids so you can do stuff like that" when I mention doing something fun or spontaneous. It literally makes my skin crawl. As if taking a road trip is better than being a mommy. But Jesus said "turn the other cheek" right? Sigh. Anyway, Sláinte!

jgirl said...

Amazing that people can really be so very insensitive. I hope you have a great and wonderful time and I hope that who ever said that enjoys the taste of toe jam. ;0)

The Smith's said...

Ireland! I'll admit... I'm jealous too! People are insensitive! What is the old saying I wish I could have a dime for every insensitive thing someone's said??? Yeah, I'd be loaded! Have fun girly, you deserve it!